The Opportunity to Give: Why Donor Relationships Still Matter

I have worked with younger advancement professionals who can run circles around me in a donor database.

They navigate customer relationship management systems, update websites, build campaigns, and move across social platforms with a speed I admire. Sometimes I am a little envious. What takes me an afternoon may take them a few minutes.

Those capabilities matter. Good systems help an organization remember its commitments, understand its supporters, communicate clearly, and follow through. There is real skill and judgment in that work.

After years of helping colleges, universities, and private and independent schools communicate their purpose and support their fundraising efforts—and later leading a nature center—I have come to appreciate something else just as deeply: the time spent understanding the person behind the gift.

A Gift Has a History

By the time someone considers a significant gift, there may be a lifetime behind the decision.

There may be years of building a business, raising a family, saving carefully, or recovering from a setback. There may be a teacher who changed the course of a life, a place that brought peace, or an organization that helped when help was needed.

Some donors have earned their wealth. Others have inherited it and are thinking carefully about the responsibility that comes with it. Some have modest resources and are making a gift that represents a considerable personal sacrifice.

Understanding those differences matters.

We can learn a great deal from a donor record. Understanding what an experience means to someone requires listening to them.

That becomes especially important when the conversation turns to family, legacy, and what a person hopes will endure.

A Significant Moment for Philanthropy

There is a substantial financial backdrop to these conversations.

In its December 2024 research release, Cerulli Associates projected that approximately $124 trillion in U.S. wealth would transfer through 2048, including $18 trillion going to charity. Baby boomers and older generations account for approximately 81% of the projected total wealth transfer.[1]

These are projections, not commitments already made. They also describe wealth moving to younger generations, whose relationships with our organizations deserve attention today.

For advancement teams, the figures are a reason to prepare thoughtfully. They do not tell us what any individual wants to do.

A donor may be considering an outright gift, a grant from a donor-advised fund, or a bequest. Each involves different arrangements. In every case, we still need to understand what matters to that person and whether our mission offers a meaningful way to act on it.

Where Understanding Takes Shape

For me, some of the most meaningful conversations happen over a cup of coffee.

Or during a walk in the forest. A paddle around a pond. A quiet moment on a park bench. An espresso or a glass of wine.

The setting gives people room to talk. The conversation may begin with the organization and move toward something much more personal: a memory, a concern, a hope for a grandchild, or an experience that explains why the mission matters.

Those are moments worth making time for.

An email can begin a relationship. A thoughtful post can introduce someone to a cause. A video call can make a conversation possible when distance or circumstances prevent meeting in person.

The connection grows when someone feels heard and sees that we have taken their words seriously.

Having lived through some of the same seasons of life can help. I find that experience sometimes gives me a point of connection, or helps me recognize when to slow down and let a conversation unfold.

But gray hair is no guarantee of understanding. A younger professional who listens with care can earn deep trust. An experienced professional who assumes too much can miss what is right in front of them.

Whatever our age, we have to be willing to learn the donor’s story.

Give Your Team Time to Build Relationships

The strongest advancement teams make room for different kinds of expertise.

Someone may be especially good at using data to identify an overlooked relationship. Another may know how to bring a program’s impact to life. Another may have the patience and judgment to guide a sensitive conversation.

Those abilities belong together.

A reliable donor database can help us remember what someone told us and honor a promise. Clear communication can sustain interest between visits. Careful research can help us arrive prepared.

The work comes together when those capabilities support a relationship that receives consistent attention.

For advancement leaders, that means protecting time for conversations, encouraging colleagues to learn from one another, and valuing what they discover beyond the next gift amount. It means following up on something a donor cares about, even when there is no immediate solicitation attached.

People notice whether our interest lasts after the check arrives.

From Making the Ask to Offering an Opportunity

Earlier in a fundraising career, it is natural to worry about the ask.

Will I find the right words? Is the timing right? What if the answer is no?

Preparation matters. So does developing a clear, credible case for support. But over time, I have found that the conversation changes when I understand why a person cares and what the organization can genuinely help accomplish.

I become less concerned about delivering a perfect pitch and more interested in exploring an opportunity together.

We are inviting someone to support a cause they value, in a way that fits their circumstances and intentions. Our responsibility is to explain the opportunity honestly, answer their questions, and respect their decision—including a decision to decline or wait.

A gift should reflect the donor’s choice.

That is what makes this work worthwhile to me: helping someone connect their experience and generosity with something they believe deserves a future.

You begin to find your footing as an advancement professional when you stop worrying so much about making the ask and start understanding the opportunity you are offering someone to give.